Bet he’s a popular fellow now:

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/mind-blowing-sex-causes-amnesia-54-old-woman-223359787.html;_ylt=AgU2M9Qw3F9APmQDhT5uQ0x.fuR_;_ylu=X3oDMTRuZm1rYzlhBGNjb2RlA2N0LmMEbWl0A01vc3QgUG9wdWxhciBIUARwa2cDZTdhMDM4MzYtNDFhYi0zNzY4LThlM2YtN2RlYmFmOTBkYjFmBHBvcwMyBHNlYwNNZWRpYUJMaXN0TWl4ZWRNb3N0UG9wdWxhckNBBHZlcgMxNWRlNDFiMC1mNTI0LTExZTAtYTc3Zi01NmIwNDc2NjgyNzM-;_ylg=X3oDMTJqb2dwMWM2BGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDYmU3MzIyMmMtYTI5ZC0zZDQ5LWE5ODgtYThkZGI4MzJjZDc0BHBzdGNhdAMEcHQDc3RvcnlwYWdl;_ylv=3

Which makes me want to give a second glance to the warning labels on glass thermometers, q-tips, incense diffusers….

This is, hands down, the funniest article I have read in some time. Cracked.com (Seanbaby, specifically) rakes Gregory J.P. Godek over the coals. Godek is the wondernut behind literary gems such as, “1001 Ways to be Romantic” and “Romantic Dates: Ways to Woo and Wow the One You Love.”

Don’t get me wrong — having a romance manual would be a Godsend. Godek, however, fails to illuminate a workable path. A man would have better luck of his testicles seeing the inside of a lady’s boudoir if he memorized a stereo instructional.

(My favourite retorts are: Pg 1′s “Dinner For Two #3″ and Pg 2 “Love Letters #1″…)

http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-romantic-books-to-disgust-annoy-your-lover/

I don’t get it.

Is it… is she speaking in tongues? If so, I want one. (Also, the Tropic Thunder quote at the very end is priceless.)

So many men have cited Wonder Woman as the origin of their bondage fetishes — so, it seemed only fitting.

At first glance, it would seem one is reading a rousing take on pornographic literature (as opposed to arousing).

Alas, it is an elementary English textbook from the Eastern European sovereign state, Georgia.

Pity. It might be fun to read a hooked-on-phonics variety of porn.

Three am calls run one of two ways:
– Ensnaring fantasies which, though intricate, are a breeze to slip into….
– or -
– Fantasies that hit my brain much the same way freebasing powdered insanity might.

Unable to sleep a few nights ago, I logged on during the wee hours of the morning. Soon enough, a gentleman rang me with a request of a foot fetish-based hypnosis session. Straight forward enough, right? The hypno induction went off without a hitch. Visions of supple soles and wiggling toes should have been dancing in his head, when he blurted out:

“*mumble* *mumble* *something* *something* — but I love your voice. Go on.”

Hey, I’m a Leo. Far be it for me to question a compliment.

On, I went!

… but he interrupted once again. This time, it sounded like, “*something* hot dogs *something* yeah — hot dogs.” Which he couldn’t possibly be saying.

“Wait,” said I. “You’re coming through a bit muffled. Could you repeat that?”

“You know what I said.”

“Erhm. I have no earthly idea what it is you said.”

“Oh! Well, I was saying, one time, a friend and I went to the Knicks stadium, and, oh man — we ate hot dogs ALL DAY!”

…. at this point, I suspected perhaps I’d fallen asleep, and was in the throes of one of those brain garbage episodes, but attempted to keep the conversation moving along, regardless. “Oooh! That sounds… why, that sounds like… a lot of fun.”

His voice dipped, suddenly — greasing itself, a Don Juan promenade in his larynx, “Yeah? You like that?”

Hot dogs???

“Well…” I was dumbfounded. My lips moved, accomplishing little, “You know… sometimes, hot dogs… are good.” I had nothing (except for the Hot Dog Song from Rocky Horror in my head). He mumbled again. I jettisoned myself from the conversation.

You think “hot dogs” might have been code for “penis”?

And if you were a man who was experimenting with placing another man’s penis in your mouth… would the accompaniment of a basketball game make the experience that much more enjoyable?

Ms Fiona, a dear friend of mine (and one extraordinarily talented lady) is accepting calls through Niteflirt… and, even better, we are now fielding sessions together!

Do give a look: http://www.NiteFlirt.com/Dommes BritishGirl and Fiona

(And to ring Fiona, by herself: http://www.Niteflirt.com/Ms Fiona )

Please remember, I am not bisexual, and so, the sessions are centered around two mistresses (or one mistress, one witness… one wife, one friend… one therapist, etc).

In what will come to be known as the conclusion of the Great Mic Debacle of 2010, I have a new batch of recordings — at long last! As some are aware, the last two microphones I purchased were not up to par. Evidently, the third was, indeed, the charm.

In keeping with my usual manner of attack, I have not delved into the ever-amassing folder of recording ideas, scripts and continuations. Instead, I began with implementation of an idea I’ve been eager to explore for some time: a male guest voice.

Though I had a marvelous time recording with Dr Nightshade on one audio in the past, he resides on the other side of the continent, making smooth recordings problematic. Other men I’ve thought of tapping for the task didn’t quite have the voice I was looking for, and/or the agreeable manner I require.

And then… came Ethan. He’s a dear friend of mine, with a lovely voice, wicked mind — and (more often than not) will follow directions (especially if they are issued by a redhead).

He was quite enthused when I made the offer… but grew more and more apprehensive as the evening progressed. Here’s a snippet of the conversation as he took a chair before the mic:

Ethan: “Um… you know — we could do these tomorrow.”
Me: “Um, no. We’ll do them now. These aren’t going to be final copies — just an introduction for you. Get your feet wet.”
Ethan: “BUT — I… eh… I don’t know. I mean, I’m not sure what to say — how I’ll sound…”
Me: “You’ll sound fine. Lovely, in fact. And you’ll know what to say, because I’m going to explain it to you. You see, in this recording, you’re going to be Nick, my young lover. I’m a married woman, but my husband is horrifically under-endowed.”
Ethan: (laughing) “What?”
Me: “But your character becomes a bit…hmm… apprehensive, let’s say. You know, you’re young, and afraid that I’m just using you as some sort of stud service.”
Ethan: “What have I gotten myself into?”
Me: “Hmm. Perhaps we’ll begin with the experiment one — you don’t have a tremendous amount to say, as you’re strapped to a table in a laboratory…”

Truth be told, I suspect Ethan would quite fancy a woman using him as a stud service.

The fruits of that session are three recordings — one each of spanking, cuckolding and experimentation. Going in, I had about half of a single outline, and vague ideas of framework for the rest. Though a gist was provided for some of Ethan’s lines, the bulk of the recordings are ad libbed. Also, it should be noted that microphone placement logistics were experimented with throughout. So, though it was not my original intention for these audios to be offered up to the public, they came out surprisingly well — and I do think they’re quite enjoyable (despite the ad libbed nature, and microphone movement). Also… my voice sounds a bit higher pitched than usual. Perhaps I was, dare I say, slightly nerved by having a person present throughout. By the sounds of things, by the last recording, I got over it

Generally, I like to do a free form recording of an idea, then transcribe it, punch up the script, then re-record. That didn’t occur here, of course, but certainly will in future sessions with Ethan.

So, I shall be working on a new batch of recordings of myself — along with scripting some further exploitation of Ethan. If you have any ideas, or hopes of what future audios might contain, don’t hesitate to pass it along to me!

Prototype: In the Lab
12 minutes
James awakes in a laboratory. Dr O’Shea explains how he came to be there — and the future that awaits him. (Experimentation, CBT, Mental/Physical and Erection Control)
(Discounted due to microphone movement and ad libbing) $10

Prototype: Red Bottomed Ryan
11 minutes
Ryan’s parents didn’t feel their 18 year old son was responsible enough to be left home alone for the week. His nanny doesn’t believe masturbation is an appealing habit for a young man. Ryan ends up with a sore ego, and an even more sore bottom — but is given a reward for changing his ways.
(Discounted due to microphone movement and ad libbing) $10

Prototype: Cuckolding with Nick Pt 1
5 minutes 41 seconds
A conversation in the bedroom of a married woman, between herself and her young lover. She divulges her plot to cuckold her husband, while allaying the lover’s apprehension he is being used only for his cock. Am hoping to do an evolution of Nick’s affair, and the gradual cuckolding of the husband.
(Discounted due to microphone movement and ad libbing) $8

Condomania has blessed the press with the data they’ve collected of penises sizes in the US. Their TheyFit condoms promise a perfect fit — coming in a staggering assortment of 76 sizes. Naturally, one wonders who bought what, and where?

Here are the results by city, in descending order (most frequently well-endowed on top):
1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
5. Phoenix
6. Portland
7. Atlanta
8. San Francisco
9. Chicago
10. St. Louis
11. Seattle
12. Miami
13. Indianapolis
14. Columbus
15. Boston
16. Denver
17. Los Angeles
18. Detroit
19. Philadelphia
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth

And by state…

1. New Hampshire
2. Oregon
3. New York
4. Indiana
5. Arizona
6. Hawaii
7. Louisiana
8. Massachusetts
9. Alabama
10. Washington
11. New Mexico
12. California
13. Arkansas
14. Nevada
15. Virginia
16. Tennessee
17. Illinois
18. Oklahoma
19. South Dakota
20. Georgia
21. Pennsylvania
22. Mississippi
23. Michigan
24. Florida
25. Rhode Island
26. Kansas
27. Maryland
28. Minnesota
29. Vermont
30. Connecticut
31. Wisconsin
32. New Jersey
33. North Dakota
34. Idaho
35. Texas
36. Missouri
37. Montana
38. Ohio
39. Nebraska
40. Colorado
41. Maine
42. North Carolina
43. Delaware
44. South Carolina
45. Kentucky
46. West Virginia
47. Alaska
48. Iowa
49. Utah
50. Wyoming

For the full story: http://www.walletpop.com/blog/2010/03/26/condom-maker-breaks-down-penis-size-by-state-city/